Have you ever had the fear of going back to the town you use to live, the town that at some point you made great memories in?
I recently decided to finally do it. For years the fear of how would I feel if I go back had kept me from doing it, or at least that is what I thought it was…Until I finally made it last weekend.
The town I lived most of my life in this country, with my Ex. The town we built a life together and enjoyed our good years. I was expecting to start getting panic attacks, and regret what I had done, and feel bad for the good times I had there, and I would want to get those times back,or worse yet; I would want to leave right away because it would be too painful to see all those beautiful places…
And to my pleasant surprise again, universe showed me I was wrong;
The joy of seeing my dear friends, the ones that were there for me in those transition times, made me greet the town with open arms.
Every inch of the city was smiling at me saying welcome back dear. I visited our first apartment, and our last, our old neighbourhood, the lake I use to sit by and contemplate on my life, the canal I rode my bike by everyday, the grass I read my books on every weekend… Not a glimpse of panic or sadness were there. They just brought a smile to my face and told me, welcome back. So I couldn’t help but wonder why.
As I was going down the memory lane with my old friends I realized that it was the peace I had with it. It was not painful because I had made peace with it. There was no unfinished business, no hatred, no grudge,… No regret. Even missing those times did not make me feel guilty.
I always thought it all depends if you are happy about your present life, or if you have everything you want right now. And this taught me differently.
It all came down to being at peace with the past. I had let it go. I loved going back, I smiled every time I remembered something, and told myself; we had a great time here… And we moved on. Smiling at it and knowing it had an expiry date, showed I had successfully closed that chapter. I had completed the assignment and handed in my paper and now was looking at it and enjoying the fun times of it, and had learned from the sad times. There was nothing left to do, but to kiss it goodbye and to be happy it became a full circle.
So, if you want to know if you have something left in the past, if there is something for you to do there, and finish something undone, visit it. Face that fear of yours and go back. Open the album and look at the pictures, open the journal and start reading, see how you feel about it. Do you feel pain in your chest? Do you feel a panic attach slowly entering? Do you feel hatred, anger, grudge, or revenge? If you do, you have unfinished business my dear. And until you are able to look at that picture album and smile and be grateful for the experience and kiss it goodbye, you have not moved on from it.
Every chapter of your life has to be signed, sealed and delivered to the universe with your heart and big smile. If you can not deliver, you are still on your last assignment, finish it, kiss it goodbye and drop it in the box. Until you can drive back on that street and enjoy it, you still have an envelope open left in your bottom drawer.
I went, revisited, received my confirmation, smiled and let it go. Feeling as universe tapped me on the shoulder and said congratulations, and now on to the next.
Sign, seal and deliver, those open enveloped still have something to tell you.