Too much to say and non at all…

Have you ever reached a moment that you felt there is nothing left to say? And yet again, there were thousand words a second marching pass your eyes, thinking; But if I wanted to say something, this would be it. And then the broken record goes on and on, and yet again, your heart takes of the needle and says: There is nothing that needs to be said sweetheart, you have your answer…Too much to say and non at all…

 

I received a message the other day from someone, that maybe 6 months ago would have been the name I wanted to see on my phone. Of course, it always comes when you are passed the desire to receive any, moved on and are happy. It made me smile. He had mentioned something in the message that he use to make fun of, he was trying to be cute and it made me smile for a split second, and then, that was it. Nothing else followed. No apology, not an open heart, no sign of trying to make things right, just a breeze of the past.
I put the phone down and smiled at my friend, she said; aren’t you gonna answer him? I said; what would I say to this? all that pain and all that heartache, and this is it. Too much to say and non at all. She said: What if there was a gesture?
I saw a movie about big gestures, when a guy does a woman wrong, in a slightest bit, and needs to make a big gesture to make it right, if there is a slightest chance to make it right, he needs to have a slightest care in his heart to do so. And this made me wonder; Would I have done differently if there was a gesture. I do not know, and I would never know I guess. But I do know, if you need to turn a heart in the opposite direction, you need a big move on the wheel to do so.
To forgive just means to accept the past for what it was and not to close your heart because of a hard lesson that you had to learn. So as I forgive and not forget, I smile and put the phone down. It is all been said and non at all…
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4 thoughts on “Too much to say and non at all…

  1. I think you made the right choice. Too often we return to unhealthy relationships, on the basis of one smile, only to be hurt again. It’s good he made you smile, it’s better that you have moved on. At least based on the little knowledge I have of the situation. I have been in a similar situation. Sometimes my ex husband still messages me with little inside jokes. Even though he still blames me one hundred percent for our history and has never apologised for anything. Those attempts to get me to interact are bait in a trap that is rigged to rope me back into a relationship that I have no desire to return to. Even knowing he isn’t looking for a romance from me, I think any relationship with him would be unchanged because there had never been a gesture. He has never addressed the past trouble, the break. So, kudos to you for being strong enough to recognize your own feelings honestly, without caving to what could be an unhealthy step backwards. Sorry for the essay mode. 🙂

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    1. Thanks for the thumps up! And it was a perfect mode 🙂 Yes I agree with you. The temptation of what if I was wrong or what if he has recognized what he did or million more what ifs came to my mind, but I know in my heart that respect needs to be earned and I can not respond to someone I do not respect. I might be wrong, because he basically disappeared without giving in explanation why, so might be millions reasons, but all I knew was that I wouldn’t be able to love someone that treats someone like this until they have a gesture and attempt to explain things. I am glad you are strong as well and hope we are all in direct touch with our intuition clearly so the temptations wont get the best of us.

      Cheers

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